Living Out Reflection, Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Eau Claire, Sunday October 8, 2023

If we live long enough we easily live many lives, and in ‘living out' that is often compounded.  The following is a small but important part of ‘my story' that I am honored to be invited to share, along with my life-partner Andy Swanson sharing his, as featured speakers at the ‘Living Out' service of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Eau Claire this Sunday October 8, 2023.

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On June 17, 2020 Andy Swanson and I married right here, in this church. It was a wonderful ceremony. The Reverend Virginia Wolf officiated, and we were supported by an incredible number of family, friends, colleagues, and members of this congregation. It was a great public manifestation, for us and for all in attendance, of what it means, and of how and why it is valuable, to be living out. Yet both Andy and I had been living out long before then. And we have continued since.

Growing up in Connecticut, in the 1970s, I did not conceive of the possibility I might be gay, due to pervasive disparagement and ridicule directed at gay people. Still, I refused to participate in what I recognized as hate. As as an undergraduate, at Wesleyan University, I also began to believe it was important for me, as a straight person, to show solidarity, publicly, with gay people. But it still came as a shock to me when I fell in love with my best friend, a man, at the start of my work toward a PhD, at Syracuse University.

I was then, as had long been the case before, and has continued since, heavily involved in progressive to radical forms of left activism. That involvement, as well as my intellectual work toward a PhD, led me to immerse myself in learning about, and soon enthusiastically identifying with, revolutionary gay liberation. Soon as well, I concentrated in queer theory, right as queer theory first emerged as a distinct kind of critical theory. Because I was _that_ kind of person, I wanted to be out as gay, everywhere. I knew this was the politically right thing _for me_ to do. So, a little over four weeks after first accepting that, ‘yes it makes sense for me to identify as gay’, to myself, I began to do so publicly as well, and, yes, I did so even in the face of considerable hostility.

As a result of this history, I was notorious before I arrived in Eau Claire and at UW-Eau Claire. For my first ten years in Eau Claire and at UW-Eau Claire I was exceedingly prominent living out as gay. I spoke frequently on lgbtqia issues in many forums. And I involved myself in a host of efforts to help change the climate, on campus and in the wider community, so many more people could live freely out as well. It was often exhausting. But it was worth it. I did help make a positive difference. Since that time I have continued living out as fully and continuously as ever. What changed is steadily larger numbers of others have done so too. It has been a blessing for me that many others have taken the lead, locally, in subsequent efforts.

When I first mention Andy to students in the classes I teach, I refer to Andy as my ‘life-partner’. I do so even before I identify Andy as my husband. I conceive of our marriage as the public manifestation of a commitment toward partnering–in the ongoing creation, and re-creation, of a life. This is a life equivalent neither with my life, nor with Andy’s life, nor even with my life plus Andy’s life. This is a new life, a life of its own, a life that transcends the limits of each of our individual lives. It is a life that empowers us, as its representatives, to do far more, and far better, than we possibly could, without our engagement in this partnership, to be of use.

In the midst of adversity, I have survived, I have persisted, and I have endured, because of the love Andy and I share and because I could not, I would not, I cannot, and I will not, ever give up on the life we have committed toward partnering–in continually creating, and re-creating, together. Andy and I often discuss how amazing it is that we have been able to do so much of what we have done together, and to do so because we are and have been together. This includes travel to exciting destinations. It includes attending and participating in spectacular events. It includes studying, learning, and preparing to teach new classes focused on innovative topics. It includes joining and contributing, and taking on leading roles, in organizations we otherwise would never have considered–or to which we otherwise would not have thought we could possibly contribute anything of value.

In my own life, it would have been far more devastating if not for this life-partnership, and this love, in struggling with and through the onset, the deepening, and the cumulative weight of multiple, serious, chronic illnesses, mental and physical, that have been significantly disabling. Without this life-partnership, and without this love, I could not have transformed that kind of personal experience into a principal focus of what and how I teach, the scholarship I do, and the community service I do as well. Without this life-partnership, and without this love, I could not have accepted the need for me to pull back, to cut back, to reorient what and how much I do with my life, while continuing to believe I am still worthwhile–that I still can, and still will, continue to be of use. And without this life-partnership, and without this love, neither Andy nor I would ever dream of embarking on a dramatically new adventure, upon retirement, as we will with the start of June 2024, to move to and live, full-time, in San Diego. This will be, for us, life in a new city in a new region, vastly different from everywhere we have previously lived, and where we are just beginning to find resources and make connections.

This church and this congregation have been indispensable in contributing to that very same life-partnership and that very same love. We have always been welcome, included, respected, supported, and encouraged here–including in our love for and commitment to each other. We love this church and this congregation, and we will be forever grateful for all you have given to and made possible for us.

At our wedding back in 2000 I spoke to make clear I firmly believed queer people in diverse kinds of relationships all deserved to be equally respected, valued, affirmed, celebrated, and empowered–and that I did not want anyone to mistake Andy’s and my marriage as endorsing the position that our relationship mattered more than those others simply because it was a marriage. Even now, with legal same-sex marriage, and even now, with legitimate fear that powerful forces aim to take this back, I still firmly believe the ultimate goal must be to make it genuinely possible for a vast array of diverse queer people to lead their best possible lives, and to ‘live out’, freely, in doing so, so that we all can benefit from all they have to offer.

Today living out means facing up to renewed, frightening attacks on queer people, especially transgender and gender non-binary people. But living out today also means envisioning what a truly liberated society might be like, in terms of gender and sexuality, as well as in terms beyond gender and sexuality. And it means committing ourselves to doing what it takes to get from here to there. We need imaginative visions of ‘what never yet was’, but ‘what nevertheless yet could be’. We know this ‘nevertheless yet could be’, because glimmers and sparks, and even bursts and flares, anticipating what that might be, do exist within our collective past–and do exist within our collective present.

I know I will continue to dream of these possibilities, and commit to help realize these dreams, even when such prospects appear absurd, even when they appear hopeless and impossible. And I know that I will continue to do, even as an older person, even as a person living with multiple chronic illnesses, even as someone starting all over in a new city, and even after ending the major focus of my life’s activity for 40 years–teaching and working as a university faculty member. I know I will continue to do so because of the love Andy and I share in the life-partnership we continually create, and recreate, together, while reaping a whirlwind of inspiration and uplift from loving communities like this one.

There Will Be No Miracles Here

As I near the end of my penultimate semester in a nearly 40 years long career teaching and working as a university level faculty member, and after experiencing the toughest semester, in terms of my health, of any I have ever experienced, as either a student or a teacher, currently recovering from a severe case of COVID, requiring me to take paxlovid for five days on account of how challenging COVID has been for my multiple immunosuppressed body, I have been thinking about an important matter that resonates well with the title of this blog, and a key reason why I years ago chose to title this blog as such.

Teachers, at all levels, including at the university, especially at teaching-intensive and teaching-emphasis institutions like UW-Eau Claire, often face the pressure to perform miracles.  We are often expected to reach every student in every class we reach, such that we enable every student's experience working directly with us to be transformative and for all of them to leave the class firmly convinced that this has been a great class and we have been great teachers.  When students don't so respond, and are not so responding, we have intuited the expectation that this is our responsibility and we must do everything we can to make up for it.  No semester, in no class, is ever fully a success until it achieves this miraculous standard of perfection.  I know I have internalized this expectation and pushed myself hard, and unreasonably and unjustifiably so, to meet this goal.  For instance, whenever I am reviewing students' final work for a class, at the end of a semester, if it does not seem all that impressive, I have learned always to accept this is on me, and to come away convinced I should have done better, while I also need to strive, assiduously, to do better in the next semester.

An unfortunate consequence for me, and undoubtedly many other teachers as well, is we thereby neglect taking adequate care of our health and well-being, along with failing in attending to enough diversity, enough balance, in our  full life-praxis so as to leave us adequately intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually fulfilled.  And, sad to say, we are all too often praised precisely on account of how much and far we neglect all of that to instead ‘give everything we have' to our students and our teaching–praise, for instance, for all the ‘sacrifices' we routinely make, and for our willingness to be exceptionally devoted to helping our students, in numerous divergent ways, everywhere and all the time.

Yes, I have in part resisted this kind of pressure, as I have often taught by granting students considerable space to take charge of their own learning, and to learn by working extensively and intensively, for protracted periods, with and from each other.  And I have often directly acknowledged students do all the time often learn much more from fellow students and much more from the rest of their life-experience than they do directly from me as a teacher in a class they take with me, but I still have all too often acted as if I don't take that acknowledgment seriously.

I do think many of the health problems I have experienced that have cumulatively grown more and more serious and substantial over the past nearly forty years' time result from me pushing myself to strive to achieve the impossible, and so pushing myself yet over and over and over again.

This is all rather strange as when I think back to my own experience as a student I often learned a great deal from fellow students, and from the rest of my life-experience, more than I did from teachers and in classes, while many of the teachers from whom I learned the most, and whose teaching left the strongest and most lasting impact with me, were not teachers who exercised that kind of impact with all of their students.  Not at all.  Many of these teachers were even unpopular with a significant number of their other students.

Yes, it is worth trying to reach everyone and trying to make a learning experience valuable for everyone, but teachers need to recognize and accept this is not often going to happen, and that does not mean we have ‘failed'.  We need to recognize our limits, and recognize students' limits, accepting both for what they truly are.

This past semester, to recount a more specific example, one student early on confided to me that they were highly disappointed in our class as they were not learning anything they found to be valuable, especially anything they found they did not already know.  They were looking instead, explicitly, for a ‘revelatory' and indeed ‘miraculous' experience, but not finding it.  Initially I felt badly about this, as if I had failed them.  But as time proceeded, I determined that the student's expectations of me, and of our class, were unrealistic and unjustified.  I did take into account their positions, and their criticisms, by opening up as much space and creating as many opportunities as I could for them to represent their critical positions in class and to otherwise pursue independent areas of strong personal interest and value–as much space as conceivably possible without fundamentally altering the nature and focus of the class for everyone else.  Every other student in the class responded positively to what we were doing together while finding the class to be highly enlightening and usefully provocative.  But what I too frequently had learned, through my many years as a teacher, is not to focus on the latter but instead to focus on the former–i.e., not to take any satisfaction from the latter but instead concentrate on dissatisfaction associated with the former.  Eventually though, and sooner than most semesters, I reflected on what was happening here, for me, and determined I don't need to feel this way.  In fact it is harmful.

Institutions need to do a much better job at not encouraging, and not rewarding, this kind of mindset, among teachers working at these institutions.

In a recent article I wrote for the UWEC English Department website and newsletter, announcing my forthcoming retirement, I concluded as follows:

It is up to others to determine what my legacy might be, and what kind of impact I might have left.  I will simply add that I have worked extremely hard as a professor, I have given it everything I had and often enough much more than I could afford to give; I have strived continually to do better and to be all the more useful to others with whom I work, especially in teaching; I have never become complacent and taken for granted any level of achievement by instead constantly experimenting and innovating as well as pursuing new passions, interests, concentrations, and emphases in new ways as well as new directions; and I have always strived to do what I do as a matter of principle as opposed to pragmatism.  I hope I have contributed in some useful ways, through my own actions, while working here at UW-Eau Claire and for nearly 40 years as a university faculty member, in the long and challenging process of creating a genuinely substantial culture of empathy and solidarity; of embracing active responsibility for collective well-being, of each for all and of all for each; and of drawing upon shared vulnerability as a source of, at least prospectively, the greatest strength.

I think all of that is sufficient, as a useful legacy, but I also believe my legacy includes functioning as ‘a warning'–of the damage that can happen if and when as a teacher one internalizes the expectation that nothing short of perfection is ever good enough, and that you can never do or give enough to the work you do as a teacher.

Retirement

On Monday February 6, 2023 Andy and I announced we will be retiring, me as of the end of  the Fall 2023 semester and Andy as of the end of the Spring 2024 semester, from UW-Eau Claire, and then moving to live, upon retirement, in San Diego, California as of the start of August 2024.

These are two monumental, milestone changes in our lives and therefore I am going to share a series of successive posts further comments about this decision and our plans.

***

Andy and I are extremely grateful to have got to know and to share and collaborate closely with a vast number of amazing and wonderful people here in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, throughout the time since we first moved here in 1997.  We are extremely grateful to have become actively involved with so many vital organizations on campus and in the larger Eau Claire/Chippewa Valley Communtiy, including many where we have been able to participate in initiating the work of these organizations and to take on leadership roles.  Eau Claire will always be part of us; we will always treasure our time in Eau Claire.  Everyone who has been such a huge part of our lives and done so much with and for us, during our years in Eau Claire, will always be a part of us and we will always treasure you as well.

So much about Eau Claire we will never forget, and always remember with great fondness.  Long walks all over and about Eau Claire.  Favorite restaurants in Eau Claire for lunch, dinner, and snacks.  Coffee houses in Eau Claire.  The places we regularly shop weekly in Eau Claire for groceries and routine household supplies.  Running in and runs about Eau Claire.  The Chippewa Valley Trail.  Phoenix Park.  Carson Park.  Lowe’s Creek Park.  People who have helped us with repairs and renovations at our house.  Pharmacies and pharmacists.  Our next door neighbors Emily and Greg, and Mary and Dan.  Places we visited and stopped, in the course of long walks, for ice cream.  Festivals in Eau Claire.  The Pablo Center.  Fitness centers Andy in particular has worked out at regularly.

A big shout out to organizations that have been central to our lives and meant the world to us.  The Unitarian Universalist Congregation.  WHYS Community Radio.  The Eau Claire Progressive Film Festival.  The LGBTQ Community Center.  The Chippewa Valley ACLU.  United Faculty and Academic Staff of UW-Eau Claire.  Progressive Students Association/Progressive Students and Alumni.  The National Alliance on Mental Illness.  And so many more. 

A big shout out as well to Mayo Clinic Health Systems Eau Claire, and so many exceptionally dedicated, caring, talented, and helpful doctors, nurses, and other medical staff, that we have counted on and needed.  And to Visionary Eye Center and Maple Ridge Dental.  And to the places where we have regular gone for massage therapy treatment, from Body Focus to La Belle Vita to Da Vinci, and beyond.  Oakwood Hills Animal Hospital.  Paws and Claws.

I am sure I am forgetting or neglecting indelible contributors to the quality and enrichment of our life-experience, here in Eau Claire and the Chippewa Valley, but I will have time, we will have time, to make sure we don’t forget to pay tribute to many more yet to come.  We will never forget.

***

Here's my announcement to administrators of our plans on the morning of Monday 6 February 2023.

Dear UW-Eau Claire Administrative Friends and Colleagues, 

 I am writing to announce, officially, that my husband, Andy Swanson, in Mathematics, and I, in English, will be retiring, me as of the end of the Fall 2023 semester and Andy as of the end of the Spring 2024 semester.  We are ready to begin the official process of taking care of all of what needs to be done in the course of so doing.  

 Upon our retirement we will be moving, as of the start of August 2024, to live in San Diego, California.  We have long sought to live in a large, major city, upon retirement, and after years of careful investigation and reflection we have determined that San Diego has everything we are seeking–and more.  We plan to be active, engaged, and contributing members of multiple communities, in San Diego, even as we also plan to take life more easily and not lead as highly structured lives as we have led throughout our careers working as university faculty members.

 Even though I will be retiring, and moving across country, I will always be interested in and care about UW-Eau Claire.  I am tremendously grateful for the opportunity I have enjoyed to work here, since 1997, and especially to teach so many wonderful classes and amazing students.  I know Andy feels the same as me.  We thank colleagues across the university, in our departments and beyond, for showing us so much welcome, support, kindness, collegiality, solidarity, and friendship throughout these years.  

 I have been teaching and working as a university level faculty member since the spring semester of 1985.  It has been a fantastic life.  I have loved it.  It has been my passion, and indeed my calling.  But it is time.  Throughout more than thirty years I have dealt with seriously disabling chronic illness, and even though I have met that challenge, the cumulative effects are real.  These have been compounded by my recently developing lupus, as of August 2022; even though the treatment is going well and I am confident that I will win this fight, such that my lupus will be in complete remission in two to three years, this has a significant impact upon me, and us, as well.

 Andy and I will be in touch with the UW-Eau Claire Foundation soon concerning a prospective major donation we would like to make to UW-Eau Claire.  We are happy to do this.  We appreciate this institution and everyone who is and has been a part of making it the best that it is and has been.

Sincerely yours,

Bob Nowlan, Professor, English, UW-Eau Claire

***

Here's my announcement of our decision and plans to friends and colleagues in the UW-Eau Claire Department of English Monday evening 6 February 2023.

Dear Friends and Colleagues, English Department,

 I am sharing with you my announcement of my husband, Andy Swanson’s, and my retirement, me as of the end of the Fall 2023 semester and Andy as of the end of the Spring 2024 semester, and that we will be moving in the summer of 2024 to live in San Diego upon retirement. 

 I will add a few comments, in addition to what I write to administrators.  I am grateful to be one of you and to have been one of you since 1997.  I thank all of you for being the colleagues, friends, and great people you are.  I appreciate you–and I appreciate the many colleagues of mine who have retired or otherwise moved on elsewhere over the years since I came here.

 Andy and I have been talking about and aiming to live in a large, major city upon retirement since before we were married (in 2000).  We have wanted a city that will challenge us, and provide us ample opportunity, incentive, and indeed provocation to continue to learn and grow.  San Diego offers all of that for us.

 We don’t yet maintain many ‘connections’ in San Diego, but we are starting to make them.  We have each identified multiple organizations and activities we plan to explore, where we will be meeting and interacting with many other people.   

 We will buy a house in San Diego this summer.  We are already working with realtors. During a recent trip, this past winter break, we identified many houses that would suit us, in many areas that would suit us, that we can readily afford.  

 Once I retire and upon living in San Diego, no, I do not want to teach at any college and university.  I have loved teaching, and I will have taught classes for close to 40 years running, but I am ready not to face the significant structuring constraints or heavy burden of responsibility and duty of care that teaching requires.  I expect instead to be more involved in community organizations and activities, especially of the kinds I have not been readily able to pursue as a full-time university faculty member, and as someone living with seriously disabling chronic illness.

 We think San Diego is a fine city and we like it a lot.  But we are well aware San Diego faces its share of major problems.  I aim to find ways to help out, as I can, in contributing to addressing some of these problems.  Homelessness is the most prominent major issue in San Diego at present, and I have been studying ways in which I can help out in working toward reducing and ending homelessness in the city and the region.  I expect I will volunteer to help out in several areas where I can offer something of use.  For me this will be a return full circle.  My commitment to social justice organizing and activism precedes my aspiration to be a professor.  

 I expect to continue to write.  I am working on a prospective multi-volume series of books, _21st Century British TV Crime Drama: a Critical Guide_.  And I may expand beyond British TV crime drama after one to two more volumes in that series to write about TV crime dramas from other countries and regions.  I will also transition from doing a weekly music show on community radio to doing a regular music podcast.  

 Doctors here at Mayo Clinic Health Systems Eau Claire are fully supportive of this move, and in fact believe it will prove helpful to my health and well-being.  They assure me that I can readily make a seamless transition from coverage here to coverage by a comparable provider in San Diego.  If anything, they would like me to retire and move sooner 🙂 

Finally, I welcome staying in touch with any and all who would like to do so.  If and when you are in San Diego, feel free to contact us, and we will be happy to meet you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, snacks, drinks, or to walk about, talk, and catch up; we will be happy as well to pay for your meal or refreshments.  

All best regards,

Bob Nowlan

***

Two more points.  I will take the first in this comment and the second in the next.

We have been talking about and planning this decision and especially where we will live upon retirement for quite some time.  As Andy affirms, in talking about this just yesterday, we have talked and planned _a lot_.  Not only have we been discussing seriously, since before we married, back in 2000, our intent to move to live in a large, major city, upon retirement, and persistently so ever since, but we zeroed in on San Diego approximately a year ago as our choice.  When we visited San Diego for ten days over the past winter break this was to confirm our decision and to continue to advance our plans as well as to learn steadily more about San Diego.  I have been subscribing to a host of digital publications and reports that I receive daily, from and about San Diego, throughout this time as well as investigating and making contact with numerous sources of information and perspective about San Diego, life in San Diego, and opportunities in San Diego, throughout this past year.  We have learned and been learning a great deal.  We expect to learn a tremendous amount more.  In fact we expect our entire first year living in San Diego will be principally all about exploration, discovery, and learning.  But, in sum, we have been highly ‘intentional’ in this decision and in this plan.

I wish we could have shared about what we planned sooner, but we needed to be absolutely certain before we did, and the timing had to be right.  We have worked hard to insure we could afford what we plan and to put everything in place so we could.  I consulted with Human Resources about the best moment to announce and share our decision and our plans, before doing so.  We have been determined to do this right.  Yes, I hinted about our plans, extensively on Facebook in particular, but I also felt we needed to hold off on being explicit until the right moment was at hand.  It was hard to ‘keep a secret’ like this; that’s not easy for someone like me.  But I am pleased the right moment to share is now.

***

Second, my last extended comment on our decision of when to retire and our plans upon retirement for the present moment is as follows.

Andy and I are making this decision and planning our future as we are for largely positive reasons, and we feel happy about where we are at and where we are headed.  We are, indeed, incredibly excited.  We don’t have regrets.  However, yes, certainly this decision, especially the timing, has much to do with the fact that the job of a full-time faculty member, in English at UW-Eau Claire, at the present time, has become too much for me, at the same time as I live with the cumulative effects of long-term seriously disabling chronic illness that has been greatly compounded over the past six months.  

Even before the pandemic, and even before I sought out and secured external grant funding for two years’ scholarly leave, I recognized the job had become too much for me, and it was time to plan and prepare for this soon to end.  In my part memoir, _Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory_, I am doing everything I possibly can to try to help others understand and appreciate what life is like, living long-term with seriously disabling, albeit largely non-visibly disabling, chronic illnesses, cumulative effects of chronic illnesses, and compounding chronic illness, as well as with long-term and persistent major mental health complications and challenges.  I have been striving for a good number of years now to make doing so a major focus of my life-practice, not for me and my benefit alone, but rather for all those in positions like me.  This is and has been far from an easy life.  So much people who are not chronically ill or seriously disabled take for granted I cannot and do not.  So much people not in my position are able to experience and pursue in their lives, relatively easily, I cannot and do not.  And I haven’t been able to do so, throughout my time in Eau Claire.  I spent far too long denying and hiding how severe the shaping impact has been, from myself as much as everyone else.  It has been liberating to stop doing so, and to refuse ever to do so again.  

As the years here in Eau Claire have proceeded I have needed to draw back steadily further, from more and more, simply so I could continue to do the best I possibly could as a teacher and otherwise by and for my students.  For many years now, regular semesters in which I work full-time mean the vast amount of my time and energy is devoted simply in two directions: teaching and working with students, one, and attending to and taking care of my health, two.  Very little more is available, is left over, including for institutional, community, and professional service; certainly not for sustained research, scholarship, and creative activity; and certainly not for much if any leisure and recreational activity, including attending events, performances, presentations, exhibitions, games, and so on, right here, in Eau Claire and the Chippewa Valley.  This kind of life is unsustainable, long-term.

During my two years’ scholarly leave I recognized I have a lot of value to share, in writing–and otherwise, beyond just teaching and attending to and taking care of my health.  In my book _Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory_ I am doing work with not only Ian Curtis and Joy Division, but also with popular music, that no one else has ever done anything at all like, previously and otherwise.  And my story, my memoir, I think will be of interest and value to others.  I hoped to finish writing this book before returning full-time last fall semester.  I came close, but did not.  Since then I have recognized it will be hard for me to finish this writing as long as I am working full-time, but I am totally committed to doing so before we move to San Diego.

Likewise, with _21st Century British TV Crime Drama: a Critical Guide_ I am making sense of TV crime drama in ways no one else has ever done, or come close to doing.  My approach is a critical criminological, zemiological, Marxist, abolitionist, and anti-racist/Black Lives Matter synthesis.  I think this work will be of interest and value to many, and I am determined to get this out there, to share it with others.  

I hope, and Andy and I hope, that we will be able to lead long, active, engaged lives yet ahead, in San Diego.  I hope that I have at least one-third of my life still ahead of me.  If I am fortunate this will be the case.  But I know, and we know, that given my health history that is far from guaranteed, and that we need to be prepared for the prospect it will not turn out to be so.  We need to think and plan carefully about what we want to do, together, in the time we yet have.  We are and have been doing precisely that.

At the end of this past week, the first week of the Spring 2023 semester, by Friday, I felt more tired than I can ever remember at the end of the first week of a semester, by far.  And it had been an exceedingly good week.  Great students and great classes.  Then what did I do, of necessity, this past weekend?  I spent the bulk of my time and energy preparing for this week’s classes and attending and responding to student concerns.  Little time to rest and recover.  That’s what I always do.  It takes a lot out of me–even before the point in the semester is at hand when I need to respond to and evaluate a vast amount of student work, in the form of papers, projects, and more besides.  It is exhausting.  It is immensely valuable work, it is an extraordinary honor to be able to do it, I love and have loved doing it, but the time does arrive when it is necessary to stop.  That time has arrived.

***

In conclusion, Andy and I are happy and we are excited.  We are feeling good.  No need to feel at all sorry or sad for us.  As I wrote and shared here last week I am pleased to be retiring ‘at the top of my game'.  We have each done everything we have wanted to do at UW-Eau Claire and in Eau Claire, and as university faculty members.  We are ready for our next life ahead, which we relish taking on and experiencing for all it will bring.  We expect San Diego will be a fantastic place to live.

***

Andy and I thank everyone for your many lovely responses so far to our announcement of our upcoming retirement and plans to move and live in San Diego.  We appreciate being appreciated 🙂

It is rewarding to know we have made a difference and left an impact, for the good.   Neither Andy nor I ever assume this, or take it all for granted; if anything we are more likely not to imagine that we have made such a difference and left such an impact.  So thank you!

Throughout this process I have been reminded yet again what a great partnership, and great team, Andy and I represent, how well we compliment and support and enable each other.  Andy is most happy for me to take the lead in announcing, describing, and explaining our retirement and plans to move and live in San Diego, and lots of other things like this, as I have, because that kind of thing I do well.  But I consult Andy closely in the process, and Andy as always is most helpful.  I have been concerned to make sure people won't feel that we are in any way saddened by our impending retirement, let alone our impending move to San Diego, and won't feel sad, or sorry, for us on this account.  Because we are not sad at all!  We are happy.  We are excited and eager and ready.  We have had a long time to come to terms with and accept this decision and our future plans with equanimity.  Andy assures me that people won't feel that way, they won't imagine we are retiring primarily because ‘we have to do so' ‘on account of my health', and insofar as they express ‘care' for us, in response to this announcement, it is simply in recognition that these are major life changes and that ‘care' is entirely appropriate as a response to the same.  I really don't want anyone to feel at all sad, or sorry, for us.  I recognize I cannot prevent people from feeling sad because they will miss us, and miss what we have contributed, but don't feel sad _for us_.  Feel happy for us.  We are happy.  Tired, but happy.  And we know life post-retirement, and in San Diego, is almost certain to be reinvigorating and rejuvenating, in numerous ways.  I can't wait to be much more persistently and diversely physically active, every day, outdoors, and I know Aidan will love walking about San Diego, as well as what an exceedingly dog-friendly and dog-inclusive city San Diego is; I have never come across a city that comes close to matching San Diego in this respect.  Andy is excited about so many prospects as well.  

Thank you all again, most sincerely.

Bob Nowlan

Kidney Disease

I don’t often share here but for those who do follow this site I am sharing the following.

I have waited on this because I want to be clearer before sharing here and I would rather not share ‘bad news’ as we all have so much with which to deal ourselves which is hard enough, but it is helpful nonetheless to me and to friends for me to share: tests results and an extended consultation with a nephrologist confirm I have a kidney disease which eventually is going to require some elaborate and aggressive treatment. FSGS, IGS, membranous, minimal change, and MPGN are all among the possibilities as well as other glomerular diseases. It is most likely I will need a kidney biopsy within a month or so to begin to precisely identify which disease this is and what treatment is most appropriate. In the meantime I continue to undergo more blood and urine tests (I can never recall giving up as many vials of blood as were taken from me as yesterday) and I am on a high power prescription diuretic to reduce the ‘severe’ edema (Dr. Khan, my nephrologist, identified this as ‘severe’) in my ankles and legs, which is a medication that also has its attendant potentially serious side effects. As always Mayo is being very slow, careful, and deliberate, which is good, but even as I greatly appreciate Dr. Khan taking considerable time to describe the biopsy procedure with me and the various probabilities of various problematic consequences following it in extremely meticulous detail I am ready to move forward and do what needs to be done. As I told him, I want to address this and begin to do so as soon as possible. I have researched all these possible diseases now and recognize they are all potentially seriously life-changing, especially long-term, but I am ready to do all of what needs to be done to live the best possible life I can for as long as I possibly can. I alternate emotionally, and have since this ‘new health issue’ first emerged in early to mid August, between feeling down about it, very sad, and feeling focused, calm and determined. I wish this had not emerged as it has because I have enjoyed teaching all of my classes, we are doing valuable work together, and I feel as if I am as good as I ever have been, in my teaching, if not better, but it’s been hard for me to do much scholarship or institutional service at the same time, and it feels strange not to be contributing yet more and more actively to the greater community where I work. But weakness and fatigue are major results of this kind of kidney disease, so that limits me and that’s why I am as eager and even impatient to move forward to full treatment as I am. Perhaps by next spring semester, before the semester starts, a full treatment regimen will be in place for the precise kidney disease I have and which it seems I will almost certainly continue to have for the rest of my life. I hope so. To conclude, I am very grateful I do have the access to the medical care I have and I have confidence in my health care practitioners’ expertise and dedication even if I wish they weren’t so swamped with such extensive demand and need from so, so many. I greatly admire doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals for doing such tremendously valuable work and for working so hard at it.

Andy and I are trying to maintain a positive outlook despite the challenges present and to come. For example we both enjoyed me sharing the exceedingly elaborate and detailed clinical notes from Dr. Khan on my patient portal where it indicates repeatedly ‘patient denies any history of ’. Given how much crime fiction we watch it’s funny the connotations that come to mind with ‘Mr Nowlan denied any history of vaping’ for example as if ‘despite the suspect’s denial we have reason to distrust his testimony’ as ‘witnesses report evidence of Mr Nowlan vaping on ’. 🙂 It is a convention of this kind of clinical document but ‘denies’/‘denied’ in this context still seems amusing to us.

Update: 3 August 2022

Re-posted from Facebook.  I wish I was a more consistent and persistent blogger.  But I do appreciate anyone who takes the time to visit this blogsite and check out what I am here sharing, especially those I have known in the past, with whom we have even for a relatively short time got to know each other well and work closely together.

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I will share an update on what I am been doing the last ten days or so, since my last update. I wish I knew of a way to share periodic updates of what I have been doing, and thinking, with any and all people I have known well and been close to, even for relatively short times: some magical space that everyone liked to access and found easy to access. But I don't know of any, and I can only keep up on one social media site even semi-regularly so this is it. However, I'd love to be in touch with and whenever/wherever possible to meet up as well with many more past students of mine to know how they are doing and what's been happening in and with their lives. It's remarkable to care as much as I do for people in what I always experience as such an intensely powerful and meaningful relationship, while working as part of a class together, and then quickly enough never to see or hear from many of these people ever again. I've tried blogging but I am too haphazard to be all that good at it, and often leave off posting any blog entry for months at a time.

1. Last week I spent much of the time writing, and finishing, section seven, focused on the Joy Division song “Dead Souls,” for my book that is nearing completion, _Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory_. I have three more sections to write and then I will have completed writing the whole book: sections on “Atmosphere”, on “Decades,” and on wrapping up and bringing to a conclusion the memoir portion of the book. After that, I am on to finding a publisher, as well as a publisher for the other book I wrote over the course of these past two years, _21st Century British TV Crime Drama, Book One: From Fearless to The Fall_. Unfortunately, I doubt I will finish drafting all of the former book prior to the start of the Fall 2022 semester, although that would be ideal, because I face so much else to do in the meantime, and how ready and able I am to do any of it can be unpredictable, even from day to day–while how much any section of a book will require from me always awaits me writing it.

2. I have selected all of the readings (and all of the screenings and listenings) I am assigning for all of my Fall 2022 semester class, and lined all of these up with a precise day to day schedule of class sessions (class meetings) in each case. That has taken considerable effort, but I am impressed with how it has ended up and with what great potential–extremely exciting–it offers us, students and I, to take on and explore together. I discovered, after having planned everything out for 28 total class meetings, that we will meet 29 times in each if these classes this semester, so I needed to some reshuffling; better to discover we will have one more class meeting than expected rather than discover we will have one less.

3. I scanned to pdf and uploaded to Canvas (our electronic classroom site) all of the readings we will be doing as excerpts from a great many books. Late this past Sunday afternoon I started this process. I discovered after an initial run-through I had to re-scan half of what I had just done all over again because I hadn't set the page size quite right or held the book down firmly enough all the way through the scanning process (I feel sorry for the books doing so, it feels like I am breaking them, but it needs to be done), and in one case had to re-scan three selections from one book twice before getting it right because it was so tricky to get right. I am happy to have all this done. And I am happy as well that Monday evening I showed I am still eminently capable of learning as I scanned from twice as many books as I did Sunday afternoon in half the time and with no errors (no need to scan anything twice). I wanted to do this all myself and quickly before it got too close to the start of the fall semester, and too busy, while also recognizing office staff help is likely more limited than ever and it wouldn't be fair to expect one person to have to do all this for me, when she has much else to do, while also not wanting to leave these books behind waiting scanning for a long time because I am currently using many of them myself.

4. My campus office is all set, after reorganization and after culling of lots of materials. I could probably cull at least as much as I just did and never miss any of it, but that's good progress nonetheless. I now have a stand up (sit-stand) desktop for my computer, keyboard, and mouse, in my campus office, which works well, while network/internet connections are now restored and working once again. I feel like it will be a pleasant place to be at, during student drop-in hours (what I used to call office hours, but no more–I want students all to clearly recognize these times are solely for them to drop in and talk with me, not for any other purpose) and for spending time there otherwise. I haven't spent much time in my campus office the last two years, hardly at all, going months upon months without visiting even once, and really only last spent much time at my campus in early to mid March 2020 before we switched to all-online for the rest of the semester.

5. Last week running went well and this past weekend long walks seemed to go well, during the course of walking, too. But I made the mistake Sunday of deciding I could walk 6 and 1/2 miles wearing Vans shoes that were not well worn in yet, in mid 80s heat and with high humidity. Unfortunately I damaged the little toe on my right foot and scraped the back of my left foot, which led me to decide to walk barefoot the last mile and carry the shoes, as this felt much better. But the damage was worse than that as it turned out I had sprained my right ankle, leading to considerable swelling, and I had developed shin splints in my left leg. All from wearing the wrong shoes while walking at length in the heat. To make matters yet worse, yesterday, and undoubtedly affected by the foot, ankle, and leg injuries, I suffered a severe flare up (I think ‘attack' is actually a better descriptor when it is this bad) of my chronic digestive disorder which meant I couldn't do anything but lie down most of the afternoon and then go to be early yesterday evening. That's chronic illness for you: one day you are able to walk or run, long and fast, with abundant energy and stamina, and then the next day you can barely move at all. But I'm better today, and I hope that feeling of being better will persist. I have learned my lesson, though, now, I think: whenever embarking on a long walk, especially in hot weather, I must wear proper walking shoes and socks, as the three times in the last several months I've experienced ankle swelling have all followed me walking, at length, in the heat, while wearing the wrong shoes and the wrong socks. I used to never get shin splints, or ankle swelling, or the host of other pains I now seem to be able all too easily to get from walking, and from running, but I am learning to expect these and to adjust. I am not going to stop being physically active, and even aiming to continue to be more and more physically active, but I've got to be smart about this. Fortunately, for example, many books and other resources are available for running after 50/60/70 and throughout old age–and for walking as well.

6. Otherwise life has been largely as usual for me: listening to music and preparing as well as doing my Insurgence shows, watching crime fiction TV series from around the world late at night, teaching Aidan to come ‘here' whenever called and not just when he prefers to do so (by means of fun games he is enjoying a lot; we need to use ‘here' because ‘come' he has learned to mean ‘come if I want to do so'), and doing other work toward upcoming writing and fall teaching preparation (I've got a second volume of _21st Century British TV Crime Drama_ to write, _Book Two: From Life on Mars to Line of Duty_ and to start to figure out what I will do in teaching ‘Contemporary Black British Experience' come the Spring 2023 semester). I am also at least anticipating the host of mandatory ‘trainings' I will need to undergo and have to catch up on after two years away, and the need as well to prepare materials for my latest post-tenure review.

7. I know I come across to many as an exceedingly well-organized person who prepares notably well ahead of time but there's generally two good reasons why this is so which not everyone might recognize. First, the better prepared ahead of time, the more flexible and spontaneous and ready to adapt and shift, even dramatically, I can be, which is especially true in teaching, and in allowing students to take discussions wherever they want and need without me losing touch with what I most want to be sure to emphasize and to otherwise get across. Second, because of chronic illness which cannot be anticipated or controlled (I used to mistakenly indicate that I work to try to manage and ‘control' the chronic illness I experience which was wrong because it cannot be controlled; I can aim to manage and cope as best I can but I can't control it), in terms of when it will erupt, in how severe a form, with what precise array of symptoms, and lasting for how long. So being prepared helps for when I am able to do little just to struggle through considerable discomfort and pain solely to get by. Undoubtedly many others with chronic illness are similar to me in this regard (and try also to be prepared in this way). A professor I worked closely with as a PhD student at Syracuse University, who faced his share of chronic illness but never superficially appeared to allow this to slow him down at all, as he always seemed on top of everything, extremely sharp and fast, and highly energetic (appearances can be most deceiving), advised me to prepare, at least roughly two to three weeks ahead, in anticipating the prospect of becoming sick. Good advice, although I still only decide specifically how we will organize and conduct each class session after the immediately preceding one has ended, or at most a week at a time, and I never prepare specific assignments until right before I give them out in class. And I always make a great many changes in teaching every class, from semester to semester. It's challenging to be like that, even though it feels right and necessary, and as far as the impact of chronic illness is concerned all I can do is hope for the best this fall semester.

8. One final thing we have just done: we, Andy and I, have arranged to meet next week with a representative of Human Resources at UW-Eau Claire to discuss what we will need and want to do as we retire. We haven't decided whether we will retire at the end of 2022-2023, 2023-2024, or 2025-2025, but three more years will be the absolute maximum amount for us. We're getting steadily older, and, even so, we still can do a lot, and want to do a lot, but we have increasingly found, over a good number of years now, that the demands of working full-time at UW-Eau Claire leave us little energy left over to do all that much else, and it is hard even to meet those demands. So we would like it, while we still can, to be able to do yet much more, including to be able to offer and contribute yet much more, and to pursue yet further bold new adventures together.

All best regards everyone!

Report and Reflections 20 January 2022

Tonight, Thursday 20 January 2022 will be Insurgence #862, show #28 of year #17 of Insurgence.  As always, broadcasting 10 pm to midnight US Central Time on WHYS Community Radio, 96.3 FM, Eau Claire, and also, streaming, via the web, at: www.whysradio.org

I will be playing music from J.R.C.G, Callum Easter, Headsticks, Stick in the Water, Yard Act, and Fontaines D.C.  I am massively excited about this show.  I always love doing Insurgence (I would have to feel this way, would I not, to have produced and hosted the show now 862 consecutive weeks in a row, would I not?) and I always select music that I find of interest and appeal, to me (and not just to me), but tonight's diverse line-up is notably exciting, and will be thrilling fun to listen through, and to introduce to and share with my audience.

J.R.C.G.

Callum Easter

Headsticks

Stick in the Wheel

Yard Act

Fontaines D.C.

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Recently I have read a number of books that I want to cite here because I do highly recommend them and would consider it genuinely fantastic if  many more people did read and make use of each and all of them.

#1

James Davies, Sedated: How Modern Capitalism Created Our Mental Health Crisis  (Atlantic, 2021)

This is a tremendous book, one I felt as I was reading it that this is one book I have long been hoping to find and long hoped someone would write, and someone would write this well.   James Davies is a reader in medical anthropology and mental health at the University of Roehampton, with a PhD in social and medical anthropology from the University of Oxford.  He is a qualified psychotherapist (having previously worked in the NHS) and is the co-founder of the Council for Evidence-Based Psychiatry (CEP) which is secretariat to the UK All Party Parliamentary Group for Prescribed Drug Dependence.  He has been an expert drug adviser for Public Health England, has appeared frequently on various avenues of national media in the UK, and is also author of Cracked: Why Psychiatry is Doing More Harm Than Good.  Davies writes with a novelist's flair while doing an outstanding job in showing direct links between precise aspects and dimensions of contemporary, neo-liberal capitalism and mental distress.  In Sedated Daves also  convincingly shows how dominant forms of medical response to and treatment of mental distress, by means of psychotropic drugs and currently prominent forms of therapy such as CBT, do little to help and only tend to reinforce and exacerbate already existing problems.  Davies interviews a wide array of leading experts, which he incorporates fluidly into his own writing.  His examples are primarily British, and in particular English, but I find the particularities and peculiarities of these examples fascinating while it is easy to make connections beyond the UK.  As Baroness Shami Chakrabarti, former Director of Liberty, the UK civil liberties organization, roughly equivalent to the ACLU, writes: Sedated is “A wonderful, moving and truly life-chaning book.  Sedated is an urgent intervention for post-pandemic society, written with expertise and clarity.  Warning: it will cause irritation to powerful interests who fear us all becoming better informed about the root causes of so much human suffering.”  As Nathan Filer, author of This Book will Change Your Mind about Mental Health writes, “In this game-changing polemic, James Davies leaves us in no doubt: to tackle the mental health crisis we need major social and economic reform.”  As Peter Kinderman, Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Liverpool, writes: Sedated is “A marvellous book.  Critics of traditional psychiatry will relish its clear-sighted exposure of a failing system.  Defenders of traditional psychiatry may well be infuriated.  But everyone should read it.”

“In Britain alone, more than 20% of the adult population take a psychiatric drug in any one year. This is an increase of over 500% since 1980 and the numbers continue to grow. Yet, despite this prescription epidemic, levels of mental illness of all types have actually increased in number and severity. Using a wealth of studies, interviews with experts, and detailed analysis, Dr James Davies argues that this is because we have fundamentally mischaracterised the problem. Rather than viewing most mental distress as an understandable reaction to wider societal problems, we have embraced a medical model which situates the problem solely within the sufferer and their brain. Urgent and persuasive, Sedated systematically examines why this individualistic view of mental illness has been promoted by successive governments and big business – and why it is so misplaced and dangerous.”

Sedated

#2

Michael J. Sandel, The Tyranny of Merit: What's Become of the Common Good? (Farrar, Straus, & Giroux, 2020)

This book is a critique of the impact and even the hegemony of meritocracy in the US, and argues it has much to do with the substantial support right-wing authoritarian populism, or ‘new fascism', has garnered, as a backlash versus meritocracy and how this has been promoted and deployed throughout American society.  Michael J. Sandel is a world-renowned, Harvard-based philosophers, who concentrates in political philosophy and in moral philosophy/ethics.   I find this book thoughtful, compelling, accessible, yet challenging, and it is especially relevant to any and all of us who have spent considerable time working in schools and especially in higher education, although more so at highly selective, ‘elite' institutions like Harvard as opposed to places like UW-Eau Claire.  As Tara Westover, author of Educated, writes “Astute, insightful, and empathetic, Sandel exposes the cruelty at the heart of some of our most beloved myths about success. A must-read for anyone struggling to understand populist resentment, and why, for many Americans, the American Dream has come to feel more like a taunt than a promise. A crucial book for this moment.” As Elizabeth Anderson writes, for The Nation, with The Tyranny of Merit, “Sandel shows us not only how the liberal promise of equality of opportunity has not been fulfilled, but how the very conception of life as a relentless competitive race unjustly denigrates the losers, produces a cynical and arrogant elite, corrupts institutions of higher education, and replaces democracy with technocracy. Unwittingly, it thereby creates populist backlash.” As Tim Soutphommasane writes for the Sydney Morning Herald,“As we know, the rich enjoy advantages that invariably tilt the playing field in their favor . . . However, Sandel argues there’s a more basic moral problem: The meritocratic way of thinking generates hubris among the ‘winners’, by encouraging them to think that their success is all their own doing and reflects their superior virtue . . . Seduced by the ethic of aspiration, many of us have been complacent in accepting meritocracy, without considering that it also serves as a moral justification for the status quo.”

“These are dangerous times for democracy. We live in an age of winners and losers, where the odds are stacked in favor of the already fortunate. Stalled social mobility and entrenched inequality give the lie to the American credo that ‘you can make it if you try'. The consequence is a brew of anger and frustration that has fueled populist protest and extreme polarization, and led to deep distrust of both government and our fellow citizens–leaving us morally unprepared to face the profound challenges of our time.  World-renowned philosopher Michael J. Sandel argues that to overcome the crises that are upending our world, we must rethink the attitudes toward success and failure that have accompanied globalization and rising inequality. Sandel shows the hubris a meritocracy generates among the winners and the harsh judgement it imposes on those left behind, and traces the dire consequences across a wide swath of American life. He offers an alternative way of thinking about success–more attentive to the role of luck in human affairs, more conducive to an ethic of humility and solidarity, and more affirming of the dignity of work. The Tyranny of Merit points us toward a hopeful vision of a new politics of the common good.”

The Tyranny of Merit

#3

Theo Horesh, The Fascism This Time: And the Global Future of Democracy (Cosmopolis Press, 2020)

Horesh wrote this book, originally in serial form, akin to a blog, throughout the years of the Trump Presidency and this book bears some of the advantages and disadvantages of subsequently polishing this kind of writing so as to cohere into a single book.  The chapters maintain a strong sense of the immediacy, urgency, and outrage of the moment in which they are written, but in relation to detailed denunciations of Trump and Trumpism offer little that many other critics have not already recounted, at length, and certainly the book is not likely, nor at all designed, to win over any who do not already regard Trump and Trumpism as atrocities.  However, Horesh does compelling work in explaining how and why this most definitely is and most definitely should be identified, always, as fascism, linking ‘the fascism this time' with the fascism of the mid-20th century as well as explaining how and why fascism has evolved as it has since Hitler, Mussolini, and the like.  Horesh also is strong in arguing for how seriously, dangerously threatening this fascism is, especially versus democracy, although his recommended response is not all that original: a united front among liberals, leftists, socialists, and so on to do everything possible with as much urgency, commitment, and determination as we can muster to thoroughly defeat newly resurgent fascism.  Horesh also effectively makes important global connections, linking Trumpism with resurgent fascism worldwide.

“A new wave of fascism is inundating the world under the guise of rightwing populism, but the fascism this time has little to do with taking down elites-and it is every bit as dangerous as the fascism last time.  Fascism can be identified by its toxic brew of racism, sexism, ethnonationalism, and authoritarianism. It is organized around a cult of personality, and it mobilizes ressentiment in senseless acts of nihilism. Fascist movements are dangerous because they harness nationalist aggression against minorities, but their subtler danger lies in their turn against reality. They reject science and rationality because they are seen as a threat, and since the world cannot be turned off, fascists try to tear it down instead. Fascists seek, in the words of Erich Fromm, to escape the burden of freedom and return to the mythologized bonds of patriarchy. Yet, in a vast and complex world, where survival requires adaptation and adaptation flexibility, their forced regression always ends in destruction. In this way, fascism is not simply a reaction to globalization but a nihilistic assault on the world itself. The destruction can be witnessed in the disastrous response of fascist leaders the world over to the coronavirus and the recent explosion in crimes against humanity.  The Fascism This Time elucidates a psychosocial model of fascism which predicted that Trump's election would lead to an accelerated assault on democratic institutions, a global increase in authoritarianism, immigrant concentration camps, the starvation of Yemen, and an effort to maintain power by force. Yet, the fascism this time is global, and putting a stop to it will require a global democracy movement that is only just getting underway.  This book is a highly original account of how the fascism this time is tied to the overwhelming challenges with which the world is now faced. Its warning about the dangers of denial is reminiscent of Timothy Snyder's On Tyranny, while its insights into the nature of mass movements harkens back to Eric Hoffer's The True Believer. It is a sweeping defense of democracy, and a classic testament to resistance, inspiring action and reflection, and sparkling with insights, in the perennial tradition of Hannah Arendt and Alexis de Tocqueville.”

The Fascism This Time

#4

Peter Beresford and Jasna Russo, eds., The Routledge International Handbook of Mad Studies (Routledge, 2021)

This is a wide-ranging, broadly comprehensive account of and reflection upon what Mad Studies is and does, how Mad Studies emerged, when, where, and why, what are divergent currents and tendencies within Mad Studies, and what are both challenges and opportunities for Mad Studies ahead.  It is notable for its global reach, for incorporating significant contributions representative of the global South.  It is also notable for representing a considerable diversity of takes on Mad Studies, including those who are skeptical about the field and about the use of ‘Mad' here (especially as a positively identifying term for those with significant experience of what is otherwise commonly referred to as mental illness, mental distress, psychosocial disability, and so on).  At the same time the book does an excellent job at pinpointing what are the common shared principles of Mad Studies that distinguish this field from other similar and related fields concerned with critical studies in mental health and illness (such as anti-psychiatry, critical psychiatry, and so on).  I found the book highly informative, intriguing, and usefully provocative.  I think all who are interested in exploring alternatives to neo-liberal capitalist conceptions of and responses to mental distress (prescription psychotropic drug treatments and socially and politically decontextualizing, privatizing, and individualizing therapies that located madness solely within the brain and neurochemistry of the individual or in the individual's unique personal experience) will find this book of value.

“By drawing broadly on international thinking and experience, this book offers a critical exploration of Mad Studies and advances its theory and practice.  Comprised of 34 chapters written by international leading experts, activists and academics, this handbook introduces and advances Mad Studies, as well as exploring resistance and criticism, and clarifying its history, ideas, what it is, and what it can offer. It presents examples of mad studies in action, covering initiatives that have been taken, their achievements and what can be learned from them. In addition to sharing research findings and evidence, the book offers examples and insights for advancing understandings of experiences of madness and distress from the perspectives of those who have (had) those experiences, and also explores ways of supporting people oppressed by conventional understandings and systems.  This book will be of interest to all scholars and students of Mad Studies, disability studies, sociology, socio-legal studies, mental health and medicine more generally. ”

The Routledge International Handbook of Mad Studies

#5

Aimé  Césaire, Discourse on Colonialism (1955)

As Robin D.G. Kelley writes in an introduction, this book “might best be described as a declaration of war” as it is “primarily a polemic” (7) against colonialism and the colonial order, in its multiple including multifarious dimensions and its multiple including multifarious impacts. Césaire argues colonialism is and always has been and always will be totally indefensible and that it not only devastates the colonized but brutalizes the colonizer. Césaire also argues that colonialism anticipated and prepared the way for fascism, as this was in effect proto-fascism which was bound to ‘boomerang' back against–to impact, to infect–the colonizer. Césaire writes this book as in many respects a surrealist manifesto meets prose poem, and he notably argues that neo-colonialism is just as problematic and dangerous as ‘classic', direct rule, colonialism while warning US imperialism threatens to be the worst, the most destructive, mode of imperialism ever.  This is not the first time I have read this book, and I have used it often in classes, but I re-read it in working with it as part of chapter five of Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory.

“This classic work, first published in France in 1955, profoundly influenced the generation of scholars and activists at the forefront of liberation struggles in Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean. Nearly twenty years later, when published for the first time in English, Discourse on Colonialism inspired a new generation engaged in the Civil Rights and Black Power and anti-war movements. Aimé Césaire eloquently describes the brutal impact of capitalism and colonialism on both the colonizer and colonized, exposing the contradictions and hypocrisy implicit in western notions of ‘progress' and ‘civilization' upon encountering the ‘savage', ‘uncultured', or ‘primitive'. Here, Césaire reaffirms African values, identity, and culture, and their relevance, reminding us that ‘the relationship between consciousness and reality are extremely complex . . .  It is equally necessary to decolonize our minds, our inner life, at the same time that we decolonize society'.”

Discourse on Colonialism

#6

Edward Said, Representations of the Intellectual (1994)

As the presenter of the prestigious Reith Lecture Series in 1993 Said argues for a particular conception of and mission for the intellectual in opposition to cooptation and diffusion of what it means to function an intellectual and do intellectual work–in particular versus the intellectual as technocrat, bureaucrat, functionary, lackey, and defender/apologist/promoter of an established and especially culturally mainstream and politically dominant organization, institution, government, or party.  Said insists on the importance of the intellectual striving for maximal possible critical independence–deliberately seeking out and aligning with a position of the marginal, even the exile (metaphorical as well as literal)–in order to be able effectively ‘to speak truth to power' and to represent and advocate for the interests of the under-represented and the disadvantaged.  The intellectual must be willing to be fiercely iconoclastic and refuse dogma and orthodoxy.  The intellectual can, and in fact should, work as an ‘amateur' resisting professionalization, and can (and again as possible, as viable, ‘should') work via a wide variety of different possible means and media.  Again, this is not the first time I have read this book, and I have used it often in classes, but I re-read it in working with it as part of chapter five of Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory.

“In these impassioned and inspiring essays, based on his 1993 Reith Lectures, Edward Said explores what it means to be an intellectual today.   Are intellectuals merely the servants of special interests or do they have a larger responsibility? In these wide-ranging essays, one of our most brilliant and fiercely independent public thinkers addresses this question with extraordinary eloquence. Said sees the the intellectual as an exile and amateur whose role it is “to speak the truth to power” even at the risk of ostracism or imprisonment. Drawing on the examples of Jonathan Swift and Theodor Adorno, Robert Oppenheimer and Henry Kissinger, Vietnam and the Gulf War, Said explores the implications of this idea and shows what happens when intellectuals succumb to the lures of money, power, or specialization.”

Representations of the Intellectual

#7

Trinh T. Minh-ha, Woman, Native, Other: Writing Postcolonialism and Feminism

Trinh is an accomplished musician, film-maker, poet, writer and teller of stories, as well as critical theorist, and in this highly influential book engages a host of complex issues which she in turn renders all the more usefully and provocatively complex.  Trinh explores what it means to write, especially as a woman/as a woman of color/as a Third world woman, both within and against language and discourses of language that have been used and are continuing to be used as principal instruments of patriarchal/ racist/colonialist oppression.  She explores the nature of language, of subjectivity, and of relations between language and subjectivity.  She argues for poetry and story-telling as exceptionally potent, as exceptionally powerful, modes of critical theorization in and of themselves.  She strives to identify openings for resistance and opposition by way of a rigorously critically self-reflexive deconstructionist praxis.  She offers a devastating critique of anthropology, old and new.  And she takes on yet much more as well.  Her writings requires slow, patient, careful attention, and indeed frequent re-reading, but often offer up extraordinary, indeed stunning gems of insight that are highly quotable.  Just one example: “Not one, not two either.  ‘I’ is, therefore, not a unified subject, a fixed identity, or that solid mass covered with layers of superficialities one has gradually to peel off before can see its true face. ‘I’ is, itself, infinite layers.  Its complexity can hardly be conveyed through such typographic conventions as I, i, or I/i.  Thus I/i am compelled by the will to say/unsay, to resort to the entire gamut of personal pronouns to stay near this fleeting and static essence of Not-I.  Whether I accept it or not, the natures of I, i, you, s/he, We, we, they, and wo/man constantly overlap.  They all display a necessary ambivalence, for the line dividing I and Not-I, us and them, or him and her is not (cannot) always (be) as clear as we would like it to be.  Despite our desperate, eternal attempt to separate, contain, and mend, categories always leak.  Of all the layers that form the open (never finite) totality of ‘I’, which is to be filtered out as superfluous, fake, corrupt, and which is to be called pure, true, real, genuine, original, authentic?” (94).   Once more, this is not the first time I have read this book, and I have used it often in classes, but I re-read it in working with it as part of chapter five of Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory.

” . . . methodologically innovative . . . precise and perceptive and conscious” —Text and Performance Quarterly

Woman, Native, Other is located at the juncture of a number of different fields and disciplines, and it genuinely succeeds in pushing the boundaries of these disciplines further. It is one of the very few theoretical attempts to grapple with the writings of women of color.” —Chandra Talpade Mohanty

“The idea of Trinh T. Minh-ha is as powerful as her films . . . formidable ” —Village Voice

” . . . its very forms invite the reader to participate in the effort to understand how language structures lived possibilities.” —Artpaper

“Highly recommended for anyone struggling to understand voices and experiences of those ‘we' label ‘other'.” —Religious Studies Review

Woman, Native, Other

#8

Lennard J. Davis, ed., The Disability Studies Reader, 5th edition, 2017

I have been reading a lot of contributions to the field of disability studies, and have been especially interested, no surprise (given by long history of concentration in critical theory/critical studies), in critical disability studies, but only recently got around to working through this compilation.   Even though some of the contributions are a bit dated, all are interesting, informative, useful, and compelling, albeit in varied ways and to varied degrees.  I am especially interested in learning about historical experiences of and factors influencing how disability has been conceived and engaged that I was previously unaware of, how disabled people have struggled to take charge of their own lives and of defining/determining how to make sense of who and what they are about in their own terms, and of the formation and development of various successive models of disability especially as these have taken shape in dialogue with critical social theory–as well as convergences/divergences and overlaps/separations of disability with mental distress/mental health and illness/madness/etc., the same concerning chronic illness and chronic pain, and advocates for recognizing supposed impairments as instead alternative ways of experiencing and engaging the world that offer advantages and valuable contributions potentially to all of us, via movements and conceptions such as for example ‘deaf gain'.  And yes, I also find intricately elaborate discussions of disability as ‘narrative prosthesis' in literature striking and challenging as they lead me to reconsider the place and role of disability in numerous literary works I have read over the course of my life.

“The fifth edition of The Disability Studies Reader addresses the post-identity theoretical landscape by emphasizing questions of interdependency and independence, the human-animal relationship, and issues around the construction or materiality of gender, the body, and sexuality. Selections explore the underlying biases of medical and scientific experiments and explode the binary of the sound and the diseased mind. The collection addresses physical disabilities, but as always investigates issues around pain, mental disability, and invisible disabilities as well. Featuring a new generation of scholars who are dealing with the most current issues, the fifth edition continues the Reader’s tradition of remaining timely, urgent, and critical.”

I know the sixth edition has been up in the air because multiple prospective contributors complained that the editor and the publisher did not adequately consult with them, and obtain their permission/consent, before proposing to republish their writings in this edition or otherwise did not give them an adequate opportunity to update these writings of theirs and to determine themselves what excerpts from larger writings of theirs they themselves would approve for inclusion in this anthology as well as how they wanted to explain from what and how those sections have been excerpted.  Hopefully all of these contentious matters can eventually be worked out and a sixth edition will be published.

The Disability Studies Reader

***

I will just sum up the rest relatively quickly.  I am working assiduously on writing chapter five of Ian Curtis, Joy Division, and Critical Theory.  I continue to work on striving to take care of my health, including to exercise regularly.  I continue to enjoy running as often, and as much, as I can, even on the treadmill inside during winter.  I like running 5k races, but I also like doing a wide array of other kinds of runs, although steep uphill runs, with me running uphill for most of the entire run (for 30-40 or more minutes at a time) are still especially tough, yet I can easily, whenever I want, run 5-6 miles at a time now.  I just hope I will be able to continue this regular running once I return to full-time teaching and institutional service this coming Fall 2022 semester.

I am truly extremely excited (‘pumped') about returning to teaching, to meeting and working with many new students.  This should be exhilarating, and I love my schedule of classes for the 2022-2023 academic year–these are going to be wonderful to pursue, together with the students.  Yet I do worry about being up to the challenge, at my age and with my chronic health issues, as I already found the demands too much to take prior to my long-term scholarly leave and prior to COVID-19.  But we shall see what happens.  I do however, feel grateful to discover writings by other academics with chronic illness, recounting the multiple challenges and difficulties of doing this kind of job and this kind of work with this kind of condition, and especially how hard it is to be able to explain so as to get most others to even begin to be able to understand let alone in any meaningful way help accommodate chronic illness as part of a full-time job working within the higher educational academy.  I wish much more work had yet been done with critical studies in chronic illness, bringing critical social theory directly to bear on making sense of and engaging with chronic illness in particular as has been done with many other forms of disability.

Andy and I continue to watch many TV shows, especially crime shows, in particular from the UK and elsewhere across Europe, and many movies.  And we continue to enjoy spending time with our puppy, Aidan, and our cats, Jet and Star.  Andy continues to make many practical devices with his 3-D printer and is starting to prepare for the upcoming Spring 2022 semester.  I am looking forward to the Spring 2022 section of this year's (2021-2022) Empowerment Through Solidarity Film Series, sponsored by United Faculty and Academic Staff of UW-Eau Claire and Leaders Igniting Transformation; we have some most incisive and inspiring titles to share.   I continue to follow many different sports regularly and hope the Packers win the Super Bowl again for the first time since following the 2010 season.  We don't yet go anywhere or do much else, given continuing pandemic conditions and especially the fact that this has been a cold winter, but I do cautiously hope for more expansive opportunities later in the year.

I share a great many people's considerable worries about the state of the world, and of our nation, today, and the many threats we face.  I too find it infuriating  that the For the People Act and the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act have been defeated, at least for now, in the US Senate, and worry about what this will mean for upcoming and future elections.  But at least I do think President Biden is right, finally, to recognize the need to make a concerted, persistent, overt, and full-throated public push for the legislation he has proposed, and he supports, showing people, and showing people over and over again, what he and the the vast majority of Democrats in DC are in fact ‘for', while drawing a sharp contrast with what the Republican Party, the Party of Trump, stands for, which is seemingly nothing much but opposing everything Biden and the Democrats support, and being willing to use any means whatsoever to obtain and retain power.  I also would keep using every possible ‘parliamentary maneuver' to force a debate, and a vote, even knowing they will lose, on every possible piece of legislation that the Democrats support–to force the Republicans to have to speak to, and debate, all of this and to put themselves on record as preventing it from coming to pass.  Beyond all that, social movements are absolutely necessary and these need to be sizable, mobilized, strategic, and yet relentless in independently representing and pushing for progressive to radical to revolutionary forms of social and political change, or it is unlikely ever to happen.   We can't wait for Democrats in the White House, the House of Representatives, or the Senate, to do this work for us.  As Angela Davis aptly commented, on Democracy Now, recently, people like her who voted for Joe Biden never expected him to be the one to lead the way in accomplishing what is needed; we are the ones who need to do this, to be the leaders in making the change that is needed the change that comes to be.

***

Finally, at least tentatively Andy and I are planning to see Fontaines D.C. live, in Minneapolis, at First Avenue, on May 7, the day after my birthday, which if all goes well, we make it, and they make it, should be wonderful. In their relatively short time making, recording, and performing their music Fontaines D.C. have become one of my all-time favorite bands, approaching the likes of the Twilight Sad and in the rank right below Joy Division. We have tickets. Let's just hope we all survive all right until then, and even that the pandemic may have finally started truly to receded by then. It's just amazing that we won't have gone to a live music event, since August 2019 (other than the stage performance at the Pablo Center of Rent last month, here in Eau Claire, which partially counts, as it is after all a musical).

Aidan

A highlight for us in the second half of 2021, although it coincided with the worst lowlight, the death of our beloved dog, Casey, was our adoption as of 26 July and welcome to our family of our new puppy, Aidan.  He's been a joy.  We are so lucky and so happy to have him.

Report and Reflection on Aging Entering the New Year 2022

2 January 2022

Aging presents challenges to all of us fortunate enough to live long enough to face them.  I noted yesterday a popular TV personality mentioning that aging is ‘exciting’.  I immediately reacted ‘that’s not how I experience it’.  I don’t become overly consumed with it let alone overly despairing or regretful about it but I won’t pretend it isn’t real and substantially impactful.  I don’t accept notions like ‘you are only as old as you think you are’ or ‘you are only as old as you allow yourself to feel you are’.   I think Andy put it best, in proper perspective, neither too much to one extreme or another: “aging can be annoying.”  Exactly.  It’s not always so or necessarily so or only so but it can be annoying.  Just a minor observation.  And perhaps I share it only to indicate I can well understand when and if others feel aging is annoying and I don’t think anyone needs to apologize, at all, at least not to me, for complaining when aging feels annoying.   

In my own experience aging means needing to do lots and lots more stretching and related exercise and a lot longer warm-up and cool-down exercise surrounding every workout while still getting lots of muscle soreness virtually just about anywhere and often enough virtually just about everywhere even so.  Aging for me also means needing to be all the more careful about what, when, and how much I eat and drink while already having spent many years being quite vigilantly focused on that because of long-term, chronic, functional illness.  Aging for me also means both getting more tired more quickly while also not feeling inclined to sleep as long even so.  Aging for me means as much as I loved hosting end of semester parties at our house for all the classes I taught, and doing so at other times also, as well as supervising and paying for all day field trips for classes to go to Minneapolis and organizing and paying for full runs of packed 10 day film festivals, I don’t have the stamina to do any of that anymore.  Aging in addition for me means I don’t like or feel comfortable driving a car all that often and especially not very far; I generally try to avoid it even if that results in me only keeping within reasonable walking distance of home (I actually currently can’t remember the last time I drove).  And aging for me further means recognizing I don’t always remember as well as I for a long time did, and that I also forget more easily, mostly details but not only so.  The last I find particularly striking.  I have never been one to use a day-timer or planner or calendar app on a phone or computer as I always could just remember everything I needed to do and everywhere I needed to be at whatever day, time, and place I needed to be at without writing any of that down.  But I strongly suspect that is not going to work for me much longer.

Yet to conclude, I am happy to live to grow old, to experience aging, and I don’t obsess over not being as young as I used to be, not at all, but I can find aging, periodically, to be annoying when I am conscious of its impact upon me.  That’s the right way to describe it, in my experience.  It was a little ‘annoying’ when I felt ill enough on New Year’s Eve to need to go to bed early rather than stay up for the New Year but then it was a good day yesterday, so quiet, calm, peaceful, and even serene, just reading the entirety of a good book and spending enjoyable time with Andy, Aidan, Star, and Jet; talking with my mother by phone; running a 5k; dancing to a disco party music mix on BBC Radio One; and watching some episodes of a series of diverting TV shows.  Pretty light and easy but I felt happy just to be here, just to be warm and safe, just to be alive in the moment and for the moment.  I even felt a day much like this would be a good way for a last day to go, when that day comes, but not for awhile yet as Andy told me yesterday we are going to aim to try to live long enough so we are ‘doddering together’.  🙂 

***

Report and Reflections, 31 December 2021

 

31 December 2021

As of just a short few minutes ago, this morning, I have completed the entire draft of my chapter (chapter fifteen) on _The Fall_ for _21st Century TV Crime Drama: a Critical Guide_.  It feels like quite an accomplishment as I have been working intensively on this chapter this entire past month, and it is indeed the longest chapter to date in this book.  I have yet to review, revise, edit, and proofread the whole twice, as well as prepare and append a works cited listing, but I like the timing of have completed the entire chapter draft by the end of this year.  I think I can afford to wait until Monday morning to work on finishing what is yet left to be done with this chapter.   I am happy.

***

Here's the playlist from last night's Insurgence show:

December 30, 2021

1.

Ballboy–“Welcome to the New Year”

Randolph’s Leap–“New Year’s Day”

Regina Spektor–“My Dear Acquaintance (Happy New Year)”

The Good Life–“New Year’s Retribution”

Catholic Action–“New Year”

2.

For Those I Love–“I Have a Love”

Luke Abbott–“Kagen Sound”

Bicep–“Apricots”

Nation of Language–“In Manhattan”

The Underground Youth–“I Can’t Resist”

Citizen–“I Want to Kill You”

Squid–“Paddling”

Squid–“Pamphlets”

Snapped Ankles–“Rhythm is Our Business”            

Whispering Sons–“Dead End”

Adrian Crowley–“Crow Song”

Yard Act–“Peanuts”

Legss–“Letter to Huw” 

Dave–“Survivor’s Guilt”

Amyl and the Sniffers–“Knifey”   

Ferocious Dog–“Broken Soldier”

Sam Fender–“Seventeen Going Under”

IDLES–“The End”

Anika–“Change”

3.

Otis Redding and Carla Thomas–“New Year’s Resolution”

Charles Brown–“Bringing in a Brand New Year”

The Walkmen–“New Year’s Eve”

U2–“New Year’s Day (Live)”

Tom Waits–“New Year’s Eve”

The Walkmen–“In the New Year”

Suicide–“Dream Baby Dream”

Over the course of listening intently to the second extended set, even with it featuring songs I know well and have played many time previously, I felt tears streaming from my eyes at multiple points as I focused on the pain that so many of these songs portray but also on turning this pain into beauty.  I am so tremendously thankful for great music, and for all those who make and share this music.  It means, it matters, so much.

*

All best wishes for the end of 2021 and the start of 2022 to everyone!

 

30 December 2021

Tonight is the last Insurgence show of 2021.  I will be starting with a set of music commemorating the arrival of New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and the New Year followed by an extended set of music featuring selections from some favorite songs I played on multiple Insurgence shows over the course of 2021, and ending with another set of music commemorating the arrival of New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, and the New Year.

Insurgence #859, show #25 of year #17 of Insurgence.  Thursday 30 December 2021, 10 pm to midnight US Central Time, on WHYS Community Radio, 96.3 FM, Eau Claire, and also, streaming, via the web, at: www.whysradio.org

*

I have been focused primarily over the course of the past week on continuing to write my chapter on the TV crime drama _The Fall_ for my book in progress, _21st Century British TV Crime Drama: a Critical Guide_.  I am nearing completion of my second critical reading, considering _The Fall_ in relation to philosophical explorations of an inquiry into the nature of evil.  I have five more subsections to go in this section.  Then I write the conclusion to the critique section, followed by reviewing, revising, editing, and proofreading the entire chapter–twice–and by preparing and appending a works cited listing.  That will then complete chapter 15 (out of 24 chapters) in that book.

It has taken quite awhile and proved considerably challenging, writing this chapter, but I accept that the writing I do takes whatever time it takes and target deadlines are, and must be, always flexible.  It is important to do my best possible work as I am writing these rather than push through them too fast.   And I am thankful I continue to learn and discover immensely, including about myself, as I work on each chapter of the two books in progress I have been writing over the course of the past year and one half.  This has been a wonderful experience!

I have gained, I have renewed, confidence in myself as a writer, and of what I am capable of in such a capacity, after this was close to shot, before the start of my current extended period of scholarly leave.  If I maintain any resolution at all, moving forward, into the new year and beyond, it is to persist, in working steadily to complete writing each of these two books and then to do the same with all it may require before they reach publication.  I will never give up on either.  To do so would feel virtually akin, by this point, to giving up on myself.

*

Andy and I enjoyed a quiet but happy Christmas Eve and Christmas.  We look forward to much the same with New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.  

Other than writing I am striving to keep healthy and to keep safe.  I continue at least every other day to do some extended running followed by walk-runs, fast walks, or hikes, as well as considerable stretching.  

I met this Monday with my GP, for a second osteopathic procedure, which was good.  I really like him a lot.  I now have some yet further regular exercises to add to my ever lengthening list, which will help with areas where my muscles have fallen ‘out of compliance' over an extended period of time, and due to the impacts of prolonged stress and intermittent trauma.  

The combination of the pandemic and  long-term scholarly leave has encouraged me to feel deeply appreciative of every occasion I get to talk directly, in person, in the same immediate physical space, with another human being.  It makes me feel uplifted and renewed just to talk like this at all, as I did Monday morning, with two receptionists, a nurse, and my doctor.  And on the relatively few other occasions where this currently happens day to day, week to week, month to month, beyond with Andy, I feel exactly the same.

So, when I return to full-time teaching and institutional service next fall of 2022 even as I will feel anxious about doing my job well, after two years away and in confronting whatever continuing challenges the pandemic might still by that time bring, I know I will feel grateful for the chance to interact with every single other person, every student and every colleague.

*

I am also continuing doing ample reading.  And I thank family for giving me so many books (that I requested) as gifts this Christmas.  I experienced an epiphany just recently about exactly what principal texts to use for teaching English 210, Introduction to Critical Studies, in the Fall of 2022 and the Spring of 2023, with a thematic focus on ‘Critical Studies in Mental Health and Illness, and Critical Studies in Disability'.  I have two excellent books, one focused on each of these two components, which will work extremely well, and which well introduce and well illustrate what it means to engage ‘critically' as mindful, thoughtful, open, exploring, inquiring, sensitive to complexity and multiplicity and variability and dynamism, and as caring, compassionate, and concerned as well as conscientious, dedicated, passionate, and striving.  Beyond that I have already chosen the six plays we will work with.  But also, as part of the same epiphany, I also successfully identified the precise 15 clusters of critical concepts I want to emphasize over and over again throughout the semester.  It should be greatly exciting.  

In the Spring of 2023 it will also prove greatly exciting to teach a class the focus of which I expect to learn about in preparing to teach and as I teach–English 459, Seminar in British Literature After 1790: Aftermath of Empire and (Post)Imperial Legacies.  I am considering among eleven possible books for this class, only one of which I have yet read.  

Lots of reading to do.  My list of books I would like to read soon coming up is already well over 100.  But that I will love doing.

*

Otherwise Andy and I continue to watch many TV series and movies at night, and we have steadily more of the same we are noting as likely prospects, ones we hope to get to soon.  Perhaps early in the new year I will mention some of the more recent screenings we have particularly appreciated.  

We also treasure time spent with our pets, our two lovely cats and especially our beautiful young dog.  

Andy has offered a hopeful prediction: that Omicron will be the last major variant of COVID-19 and that this variant may have largely run its course by the end of the first few months of 2022.  Of course many reputable warnings are out there about prospective future pandemics that could be even much worse than COVID-19 and about looming global ecological catastrophe as potentially far worse in its devastating impact than COVID-19 as well.  But one cannot dwell on those possibilities all the time.

I long have tended not to be the kind of person who makes New Year's resolutions because I have felt this to be more of an artificially conventional practice than anything personally meaningful, but especially because I have long also felt so much is always outside of and beyond my control with too much goal setting and too much focus on outcomes expectation likely to prove disappointing as well as to distract from being open to what happens, to what comes, when and as it does.  

So I prefer simply to maintain cautious but nonetheless meaningful wishes and hopes.  As I am prepared to share with my listeners on Insurgence tonight, the future ahead, in the year 2022, remains, as always, highly and multiply uncertain, yet more than ever so after two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, but I wish and hope we will all find moments of satisfaction, achievement, happiness and joy.  I wish and hope as well that we will all be able to share kindness, compassion, empathy, and solidarity, and that we will persist, even when extremely hard, in trying to make whatever tiny contributions we might be able to make toward the good, and, especially, toward the better. 

Happy New Year 2022 to one and all!

 

Reports and Reflections, Catching Up Slowly, Working Backwards from 2 December 2021

2 December 2021

I am almost completely finished with chapter 14 of _21st Century British TV Crime Drama: a Critical Guide_, on the show _Hinterland_.  All that remains is one last run through the entire text to once more edit and proofread the whole.  [I am now done!] It has taken some time to write this chapter but I am determined to take the time it needs to do the job right with each chapter, as best I can, and not become distracted by focusing too much on target deadlines.  In the midst of writing this chapter I decided I needed to read through a 465 pages long history of Wales since 1939 and did so, and I did so in a day, which proved useful, as much discussion surrounding _Hinterland_ concentrates on how the show represents Wales, the Welsh, and Welshness, especially rural Welsh-speaking Wales and in particular in the Ceredigion region surrounding Aberystwyth.  The entire works cited listing as part of this chapter has ended up seven single space pages long.  I feel reasonably satisfied with where this chapter is now at and will be at when I am ready to move on to the next–starting tomorrow.  Although just two days ago, Tuesday, after working from 9 am to 6:15 on revising and editing this chapter draft I reached a point where what lay immediately ahead looked like such a rough mess that I could not figure out how best to reshape it, so I stopped.  After getting away from it for a short time by yesterday morning I was ready to take on and meet that challenge.  Next up is _The Fall_.  I greatly enjoy doing this work, including taking on and meeting the challenges it continually presents.  It feels like I am doing something that I can do well. which draws upon strengths I have, and which suits where I am at and what I have best to offer in this present period of time.

What else has been happening with me of late?  I will try to run through some of what I can readily call to mind.

1.  I am working through a reading list of over 100 books I am seeking to complete reading relatively soon.  Always so much more to learn, and always exciting to do so.  

2.  I am already beginning preliminary work in thinking through precisely what and how I will plan to teach the classes I will teach in 2022-2023.  Years ago a friend of mine offered me what was something of an unsettling compliment by describing what I do in preparing to teach as akin to preparing to go to war.  He meant it positively.  What this attests to, I think, is I like to learn as much as I can about subjects I will be teaching and to think through what students and I might be able to do together in engaging these subjects while anticipating challenges along with opportunities, all the while knowing as always what each class ends up as will depend upon what the students bring to bear as much if not more than me and that I will not determine how any precise class session will proceed until the preceding session has finished, while everything will always be open to change.  Being well-prepared and having thought through the issues we will be taking on enables me to be highly flexible and to allow students, and what they think, feel, have to say, and are able and ready to do to take top priority.

3.  Tomorrow Andy and I get our booster shot.  I hope my reaction is better than it was to the second shot earlier this year.  I am concerned about the omicron variant, yes, but I am not going to worry excessively about it; I will pay attention to what reputable scientists report, when and as they are ready to do so, and monitor how government leaders and leaders of other organizations and institutions respond.  It is. nonetheless, extremely sad what this pandemic has wrought, and for how long it has continued to do so.  I readily empathize with everyone who feels exhausted by it.  

4.  In terms of health, which is always a necessarily prominent focus of concern for me, I am doing reasonably well.  Approximately three weeks ago I think it was–whenever we last had 60 degrees plus weather on a Sunday–I experienced my first seizure in almost a year and one half, and unfortunately it was a bad one, with a substantial impact for much of that day and in ‘aftershocks' for days thereafter.  A little over a week or so following that I had a major digestive ‘attack' which caused a lot of pain and disruption for days.  But, all in all, none of that is the slightest bit unfamiliar and I carry on.  I am continuing to run and to do long distance and fast walking as well, regularly, although more often on a treadmill inside rather than outside with the temperatures dropping as far down as they have recently.  

5.  A couple weeks ago Andy and I attended a performance of _Rent_ at the Pablo Center here in Eau Claire, and that was most impressive, both the production and the Pablo Center.  It was only the second event we have attended at the Pablo Center which shows just how otherwise busy we have most often been, even after we anticipated doing much more than that, following our attendance at a special Arts and Sciences college meeting with a guided tour and then the grand opening shortly thereafter, now four years ago.  With _Rent_ the choreography particularly stood out for me, while the show focuses on themes and issues that continue very much relevant to this day, and it is good to see such an overtly and thoroughly ‘queer' show enthusiastically received here in Eau Claire.

6.  Yesterday we screened _Agents of Change_, as part of the Empowerment Through Solidarity film series on campus at UWEC.  This film focuses on past struggles for Black Studies and other varieties of Ethnic Studies courses and programs in the US, highlighting struggles at San Francisco State and Cornell.  It is an impressive film, overall, and it helps make clear how hard and continuously it is necessary to fight for the opportunity to teach and study the truth in the US, especially when this concerns issues of race and racism.  It was great to have Dr Selika Ducksworth-Lawton moderate the post-screening discussion and provide crucial context as well as raise pointed and urgent questions for consideration.  I always like discussions like this where we consider how is this relevant to where we are at, what we are facing, and what we can and need to do.   

7.  As usual Andy and I watch a variety of TV shows and movies, especially TV crime dramas, and probably the best and most interesting one we have been focused on recently is a Danish TV crime serial the English title of which is _Follow the Money_.  I appreciate crime dramas that engage crimes of the powerful, and in particular as this show does financial crimes committed by powerful legal businesses (as well as illegal businesses) and not just crimes committed by governments and states.  This show is available on the streaming service Topic; unfortunately I am not aware of any other means by which currently to access it.  But if you get the chance, ever, it is worthwhile:  https://foreigncrimedrama.com/follow-the-money-review/

8.  Other than that I can't think of much to report and share.  Our puppy, Aidan, is fun and funny, for sure, but he sheds an incredible amount for a small, very short-haired dog, and his hair seems to stick more readily to clothing than that of any previous dog I've ever had, so I spend a lot of time brushing this off and we are continuing to look into all the more effective brushes to use on him.  He does have an impressively high metabolism and I suspect this shedding is yet another sign of exactly that.  Once more, it is clear we are going to have a lean pug, as that is definitely the way he has been developing.  As an interesting point of continuity, he loves popcorn too, just like Casey.  Our cats are doing fine, including with Aidan, and I am still amazed that Jet likes to leap into pens or carriers to play and rest/sleep with Aidan.  Star and Jet have long refined an impressively spiraling swarming movement that the two do together when they want food, which almost appears as if they are trying to hypnotize me.  And of course, a cat will wake one up in the morning by jumping into the space in the headboard right behind  me as Star did this morning; even at over four years old they are always ready to move into any such space and continue to be highly alert and curious. 

9.  One final point.  Although I hadn't expected to offer any more comment concerning relations between capitalism and mental illness, the discussion that arose on my FB page Monday was nonetheless interesting and useful, suggesting to me this is a connection which people will be and are curious to learn more about and explore further.  Since I was a little busy and otherwise preoccupied then I didn't think to add at the time but those who engage this connection have focused on the following kinds of issues, in relation to how capitalism, and capitalist society and culture, is responsible: alienation, exploitation, commodification, commodity fetishism, dominance of exchange value over use value, reification, instrumentalization, precaritization, impoverishment,  inequality, immiseration, insecurity, marketization, privatization, divide and conquer, private profit/private interest over public good/human need, hyper-individualism, competition over cooperation, success defined/experienced in terms of income/wealth/material accumulation, and much more besides.  The focus is, in sum, on how these impacts of capitalism, how capitalism is organized/operates/works/is structured/shapes and influences/mediates the ways we think/feel/believe/communicate/act/interact/behave in turn affect mental health and can contribute to mental illness.